Does anybody think Lena and Kara will be friends again or is Kara's betrayal too much for their friendship to handle. I certainly hope not they are good for each other.

I hope they become enemies. For 2 reasons the annoying SC fandom that keeps spamming every comment with their delusional agenda and attacking everyone not having their view and because its what i have been waiting for since she was introduced. And because Lex big ace in the hole from the season finale should not go to waste

Just mute them....I come here to not hear them or hear about them....really getting old.

Hello, Ravansol, and you may be new to the Forum, as I was myself not so long ago, but you are definitely jumping right into the thick of things, so good for you. And thank you for the kind words; it's always nice when you can get someone else to consider other's viewpoints, whether they agree with them or not - yet another good thing about the exchange of opinions on the Forum.
I see your point about Nia knowing that Kara is Supergirl, although I think that Kara told her much more out of sympathy for what both of them (as fellow aliens) were going through with their own sisters, rather than because of Kara wanting a 'surrogate sister' because of Alex's loss of memory. And although Nia did find out about Kara before Lena did, the fact that Lena probably doesn't know yet that Nia is Dreamer, or that Nia knows Kara's secret for any reason, might have Nia out of the way of Lena's 'line of fire' for the time being; unlike Alex, James, J'onn, Brainy, and Lillian, who were all identified by Lex as knowing Kara's secret. Otherwise, some very good points on your part.
And what sharp eyes you have to catch my slip-up. I can be a bit long-winded at times (as many other Forum regulars can probably attest to), and I was trying to be briefer than usual. Sadly, my choice of words apparently did not properly match my thoughts.
We all sometimes do what Lena has done in the past, and is doing now, and what we all presume she will be doing early into Season Five: looking at things that happen from the point of view that they will confirm or reinforce what we want to believe, rather than staying open-minded to what we need to believe; it's just human nature.
I did not mean to imply that Lena is intentionally looking for what she consciously knows are just excuses to feel hurt, but rather that her experiences over the years since her childhood have her unknowingly seizing onto any opportunity that comes along to confirm, at least to her own mind-set, that she ends up being hurt by other people because she wants to believe that they deliberately intended to hurt her (which is not entirely untrue when we saw how Lex treated her).
So, what most other people would look at as "yeah, those things happen" and just shrug off, are seen by Lena as being "proof" of her being perpetually victimized by others. And, as has been pointed out by many people on this topic, it is Lena's perception of events that she latches onto and clings to, not necessarily what is really happening as far as how anyone else might see it.
One thing for certain: it's going to be an interesting ride for them - and for us viewers - in Season Five.

Look at all the conversation. Heh. So let’s tackle these in order.

Thanks for the welcome, Brierrose. Truly appreciated.

“Forgiving is not the same as forgetting and when/if they reconcile I want the relationship to be forever altered. Trust has/will be broken on both sides and that should always cast a bit of a shadow over the relationship.”

I would love the writers to reflect this as well. The reality of the situation of any relationship, friendship, partner or otherwise, is based on the premise of trust and communication. There was a challenge to that aspect of the relationship. I mean if you really think about, the communication, lack thereof or omission, regardless of reasoning, was really the cause of the rift. Realistically, even if persons within that relationship move forward, there is a lot of baggage to move through because of it. It can make a friendship stronger or shatter it completely. I don’t like the premise of POOF, now it’s like it never happened. No... that’s not what makes people grow. We can not change by ignoring the problems that led to this situation to begin with.

In of that, you said you wanted the relationship to be different because you wanted it to go a different way then Lex and Clark. I agree that there would be similarities, but I think the premise would be different because they are NOT Lex and Clark. I know that’s an overly a simplistic rebuttal, but both women wanted to step away from the weight of family name and stand on their own two feet. They have shown that, although there are commonalities between them, they forge their own path, their own way and make their own choices about how they decided to react to their world and the situations that present themselves. As I previously stated, I wanted Lena to be Kara’s adversary, not necessarily their enemy. I want to see Lena and Kara differ on their views and challenge not only each other’s beliefs and where those boundaries lines exist in their senses of judgement but for the audience as well. Just take this entire thread. It’s already begun! Keep the ball rolling.


Hello, Richard! It is an interesting topic, isn’t it?

You are correct about the “everyone” umbrella! Thank you for pointing that out. Not everyone knew about Kara’s secret and we have been operating under that for a little while. I would argue that even though Nia didn’t know right away, she still found about it before Lena did. And Kara chose to tell her because she missed her sister, Nia was dealing with her own sister issues, and Kara was struggling with Alex not knowing who she was. Additionally, I would argue that Nia ended up filling an immediate emotional need for a familial bond in knowing who she was. Something that you WOULD think that would fall on the role of someone who you identify as your best friend. As for the others, no disagreements, spot on.

As for Lena looking for any excuse to be hurt, not sure I agree with that. It takes a lot for people to learn and grow from abuse and trauma, something most of the characters had learned in spades. Everyone reacts differently to it and shows personal growth in an abundance of ways. What seems one way to us could be a person working through an evolution of a coping skill, wether good or bad, and trying to figure out a way of dealing with the situation. I don’t get the feel from the character that they are trying to be emotionally manipulative nor are the seeking a pattern of victimization. However, I will concede that this is the lense -I- am viewing the story. As it has been brought up already, much of the story and the character viewpoints are challenges of perception for the viewing audience. Great stuff!


Hello, SuperTweety! Love the handle!

To be fair, we don’t know if Lena is talking directly to Kara about it yet. This is still all speculation about our “What If’s” of the show. Showing the friendship of two strong women, as you said was your desire, does show that friendship being tested, though. Having it tested over an issue of trust this way is certainly a real world way of approaching it. I can’t wait to see what happens and how they decide to grow individually and as friends! So soon now!


Hello Kelly!

I know that I, like you, was referring to those present at the holiday celebration in my post. You have friends and then you have friends you suffer through that 3rd game of “Betrayal at House on the Hill” for even though you are all exhausted and want to get home. Those folx knew who Kara was, except Lena, regardless of the rhyme or reason as you spotted. It can be challenging to be the one person kept out of the loop. I was honestly waiting for someone to make a reference and Lena to be like, uh... what? But it didn’t happen. *sigh* Ah, dream world. But that world evolves everyday. Beauty of the TV show, isn’t it?


Still enjoying this conversations so much! It won’t be long now! Woo! So many unanswered questions! So many possibilities!

This is proving to be a very interesting topic, with some good diversity of opinions expressed by all contributors.
However, there is one item which a few people have pointed out, but which is totally incorrect: essentially, that "everyone knew about Kara except Lena".
Samantha and Ruby Arias were friends of Kara's group of friends for most of Season Three, and neither of them ever found out that Kara was Supergirl.
Nia Nal did not know that Kara was Supergirl at the time that she and Lena first met, or at the later times that they had dinner together at Kara's place; that happened only much later on.
Manchester Black obviously did not know about Kara.
And Kelly Olsen still doesn't know about Kara being Supergirl or, presumably, about J'onnz's true identity, or about Brainy being from the future either.
Lena may indeed desperately want to believe that everyone except she knew about Kara's secret, but this is just plain and simply not true, not by a long shot.
Having said that, and given that Lena seems to be determined to find any excuse that she can use to feel hurt, reality probably will not matter to her, only her perceptions of that.

I think people are talking about the inner circle of friends....those that were at Thanksgiving dinner in Season 4 would be considered the inner circle of friends and everyone their knew Kara was Supergirl except Lena which is why I used Thanksgiving as a memory Lena might would have that could be a thorn in her side, so to speak.

I love this show but I'll be direct here if this results in the loss of their friendship or Lena turning evil from it then I'm gone. I think that they are making Lena to be a small, petulant little girl who can't just do the adult thing and speak directly to Kara about it. Get it out in the open! If she thinks Kara held her identity back to hurt Lena then she's super-shallow...pun intended. They have made Lena to be smart and yet naive and blind all at the same time. If you re-watch the first season it's obvious that Cat knew about Kara from the moment she stepped out of her limo and knowingly stated..."It's you." Lena and Kara have spent way more time together than Cat and Kara ever did so either Lena is a blind fool or she knew.

Why can't they just take the strong friendship of two amazing women and grow it, show them not being so shallow and immature but rising above and being adults, talking openly and honestly, even if it hurts?

This is proving to be a very interesting topic, with some good diversity of opinions expressed by all contributors.
However, there is one item which a few people have pointed out, but which is totally incorrect: essentially, that "everyone knew about Kara except Lena".
Samantha and Ruby Arias were friends of Kara's group of friends for most of Season Three, and neither of them ever found out that Kara was Supergirl.
Nia Nal did not know that Kara was Supergirl at the time that she and Lena first met, or at the later times that they had dinner together at Kara's place; that happened only much later on.
Manchester Black obviously did not know about Kara.
And Kelly Olsen still doesn't know about Kara being Supergirl or, presumably, about J'onnz's true identity, or about Brainy being from the future either.
Lena may indeed desperately want to believe that everyone except she knew about Kara's secret, but this is just plain and simply not true, not by a long shot.
Having said that, and given that Lena seems to be determined to find any excuse that she can use to feel hurt, reality probably will not matter to her, only her perceptions of that.

I will freely admit this discussion is the whole reason why I bit the bullet and joined this forum. First I want to start by stating, this will be long. Hi, now you’ve met me. Second, I love McGrath’s portrayal of Lena Luthor and is quickly becoming one of my favourite characters in the series. I also want to say that a lot of observations that people have made about Lena’s behaviours are pretty spot on. It’s obvious there are individuals who have had similar situations they have dealt with in their relationships that can both put them on or against Lena or Kara’s POV. Since I can resonate with both view points, my talking point circles around this very duality....

First and foremost welcome. Heck of a first post, very inciteful. While personally I want Kara and Lena to eventually reconcile mainly because I want their story to be different than Clark and Lex's you make some excellent points. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting and when/if they reconcile I want the relationship to be forever altered. Trust has/will be broken on both sides and that should always cast a bit of a shadow over the relationship.

I will freely admit this discussion is the whole reason why I bit the bullet and joined this forum. First I want to start by stating, this will be long. Hi, now you’ve met me. Second, I love McGrath’s portrayal of Lena Luthor and is quickly becoming one of my favourite characters in the series. I also want to say that a lot of observations that people have made about Lena’s behaviours are pretty spot on. It’s obvious there are individuals who have had similar situations they have dealt with in their relationships that can both put them on or against Lena or Kara’s POV. Since I can resonate with both view points, my talking point circles around this very duality.

TLDR: I don’t want Lena and Kara to reconcile. I want Lena to be Kara’s adversary.

Hear me out.

In my opinion, part of the wonderfulness of watching/reading a Superhero’s story is watching the mundane life effect the kind of hero they become. Understanding their back story you get glimpses into why they prefer certain types of weaponry or have nostalgia for certain fighting styles, places, or certain types of imagery. These small things effect how the Superhero interacts with their world. In the same respect, every tragedy, every love, every loss also does the same. This is a bit of a no brainer for anyone who has glimpsed at an emblazoned rubber suit. However, what I have always loved the most is the wrestling with the lines of morality. How far is to far and does the hero EVER experience a situation where they a dangerously teetering over the edge if not slipped if even for a second?

Now we got a taste of that with the Red Kryptonite and showed the repercussions of Kara’s actions but, having been effected by the Red Kryptonite it was essentially a license to say.. what if Supergirl were bad.. but not really.. and let’s show how easily trust an be lost to people who don’t know who you are. (Story of our lives, right?) But it’s a whole different ball game when someone, especially a hero, chooses to go against what others, especially other heroes, decide is right. If I can jump genre’s for a minute, have a look at Marvel’s Civil War for a great example how two heroes can differ on something they find at the core of who they are and can divide a fan base on top of it.

It’s our choices that determine who we are, Harry.

Lena has repeatedly stated that she trusts more in her tech, her intelligence, relies on herself, and includes a very small group of inner circle than she does on the heart and good nature of other people. Her background has definitely been a contributing factor to that. Isolation, upper class, elite schools, constantly having to prove herself to her family along with all that emotional baggage, carves out the perfect scenario where the reliance on self, to become stronger, to stand against those who would oppress you and hold you down, to obtain power and wield it against those who deserve retribution for their actions, finds a home and champion with a woman of her education and resources.

Additionally, if I had to speculate, as much as she distances herself from her brother, I think the thing she hated most about Lex was how much they were the same. Highly intelligent, self isolating, distrustful, and competitive. Lex called her out with those words, that they laughed at her, that they humiliated her. It wasn’t just a shot to her heart about how she finally thought she had a group of people (cause, let us remember EVERYONE knew but her, regardless of why or how they knew... it’s not just Kara she’s mad at here) that could be a real family to her, but that she wasn’t smart enough to spot the lies and secrets surrounding it all. And he was. She not only feels hurt. She feels foolish. And, just one more thing that Lex had seen before her. That’s a lot to absorb.

Kara Danvers was able to have her biological parents for a while before Krypton went Kablooie. Then she landed and got more loving parents. She got a loving a supportive sister. She had a loving supportive cousin (albeit distantly). Her entire family was geared around supporting each other. Though they couldn’t have possibly of understood what it was like to be in Kara’s shoes during the whole loose (literally) your entire world event, they were their for her to help her rebuild that world. Kara is the emblem of hope because that is what she has been given her entire existence. Hope in family, hope in friends, hope In heroes to protect those who are meek and can not fight for themselves. She is the true representation of the idealistic Superhero, defender of the meek, protector of all, and those who must come into their power to understand the consequences of wielding it. After all, as the show has already touched on with the Harun-El, Kara knows the dangers of obtaining power without understanding both the pros and cons of it’s use, as they had to learn that themselves throughout childhood and as they grew as a Superhero, and is hesitant that the menial public should have access to such advancements.

So in this you find the most wonderful duality we all face down in Superhero lands: The ability of the people to Champion for themselves and the potential consequences of power going awry (additionally the Supergirl 1984 movie makes a great example of this) VS a reliance on heroes in capes who we summon from the sky with our pleas for help along with their ability to decide to wether they elect themselves Gods.

I think Lena and Kara playing either side of this scenario as adversaries would be bloody brilliant. They’ve obviously been touching on this since season 1, but I think that Lena would be the best direct representation for this. Even more so because, like many epic rivalries through out comic book series (ex: Prof. X/Magneto; Spider-Man/Green Goblin; Batwoman/Alice; Wolverine/Sabertooth; Batman/Two Face), they started/are loving friends/family. How two people can have the same information, process it through two different filters, and come out the other side with two radically different viewpoints is about as human as you can get. If Kara’s real connection with Lena was that she could be truly human with her, then this exemplification of the consequences of their choices would be an epic storyline.

I know this is super long so I’ll finish it up with this. In my opinion, the BEST part of the Superhero are their strongest adversaries. They are the ones that bring out the best and the absolute worst in their superhero. They challenge them. They help define them. They bring them to the brink and question wether they will fall over that line. They make them see how far they will go to protect someone they love. When that person is the one who stands in opposition to them, it becomes a defining moment in who they choose to be as a hero. It’s not about Good vs Evil, that’s to absolute a concept. It’s about how we the viewers, and the principals themselves, view justice and morality in the immensely grey areas that lie within them. It’s about dealing with the consequences of those choices and weighing wether it is or was worth the cost. This is why I want Lena and Kara to be adversaries. This is a story I’d want to watch.

I mean... they make up I’ll be happy with that too, I just think there’s so much more potential the other way. Regardless... NEW SEASON VERY SOON NOW! Yay!

There have been many thoughtful contributions to this topic since it was started.
None of us know with any certainty exactly what is going to happen at the beginning of Season Five (just three weeks from now) but, given what we saw at the very end of Episode 4.22, it seems very unlikely that Lena will welcome Kara with open arms when next they meet. Beyond that, we are all guessing as to what will happen next, and how long it will take for them to patch things up between them (which it seems we are all assuming will eventually happen).
Lena has repeatedly demonstrated a nasty habit of clinging to negative feelings for very long periods of time, and in view of that, and what has been proposed on this Forum topic so far and as further food for thought, there are two old witticisms that some of you might have heard before, but that I would like to share with everyone anyway (these are admittedly not accurate word-for-word quotations of the original versions, but they are close enough for our purposes here):
1) Anger is like a hot coal - the longer you hold it before you throw it, the more it will burn you instead.
2) The desire for revenge is like swallowing poison and hoping that the other person will die from it.
The obvious point with this latest event is that Lena's anger at Kara will hurt Kara's feelings, for sure, but it will clearly end up hurting Lena far more in the end.
In fact, in Episode 4.19 "American Dreamer" when Lena was lamenting to Brainy about all the people in her life who have betrayed her, Brainy told her that a lack of trust on her part would result in "a 99.9% chance of a life of sorrow" (or something close to that).
A very good point that has already been made by some other contributors to this topic is that our own personal perceptions of things IS our reality, and that is quite true for most people regardless. Lena clearly does not see this as being her problem, but rather as other people's problems that she is being victimized by. And because of that, I doubt that Lena would think on her own of getting help from a professional therapist (such as, maybe, Kelly Olsen).
But at some point she will have to face up to the reality that the anger that she feels towards Kara (and other people) is not their fault, but is actually because of her own inability to trust others. And if she does not deal with that, then her anger will ultimately be much more damaging and destructive to herself than it is to anyone else; otherwise, she will just go on making her own sorrow and hurting herself from it, and very badly.
Like everyone else, I'm rooting for Lena to get over it and be friends with Kara again.

I think they will be friends again after a lot of angst for both characters and the audience. A lot of people initially saw the SDCC teaser trailer as proof Lena “finally” going evil. I say finally in quotes because as many have said before if you
assume that Lena going evil is inevitable because she is Lex’s half-brother then you must also await Winn going evil because of his father. Evil is not genetically transmitted like green eyes or male pattern baldness.

The trailer has to be combined with the rather practiced responses the cast & producers gave in interviews. “Battle for Lena’s soul” is what most people latched onto, but I think equally important is Katie’s comment that Lena’s going to play her cards close to the vest.” Lena is grieving a perceived loss of her friendship with Kara and as we know grief comes in stages and those stages are not linear. So I postulate that the confrontations in the trailer between Lena & Kara and at the end between Lena & Supergirl are in Virtual Reality (the funky blue eye effect). Lena will continue to interact with Kara without letting her know what Lex revealed for a while. This is a type of bargaining-trying to convince herself that she doesn’t have to lose Kara. Meanwhile, trips into the VR world allow her to express her anger at Kara/SG. However, the more time Lena spends in VR the more her “soul” is at risk—because the overarching theme of “bad tech” or negative effects of tech have to up the stakes. I suspect the show’s version of VR will have a SwordArt Online aspect-that you could get stuck inside the VR and that the tech can be hijacked to control people.

Another comment from SDCC was Melissa saying she thinks Kara still has to reveal herself to Lena. This scenario gives Kara a chance to explain and the best explanation was actually Katie McGrath’s from the round table interviews at SDCC 2018–that Lena not knowing gave Kara someone to be “human” with—to just be Kara without the expectations that people put on her when they know she’s SG. When Lena works through her anger, she will realize that so much of what Lex showed her was Kara working to keep Lena safe. Hopefully, once the “Superfriends” know Lena is in the loop, J’onn and Alex can testify to Kara defending Lena when they refused to believe her innocence. Alex (or Kara) needs to point out how Alex’s memory and that of other DEO agents had to be wiped to protect Kara. Had Lena known her secret, her working with the DEO would have required the same wipe. No way Lena would want someone messing with her eidetic memory.

The show has made an effort at times to stress that Kara is not her cousin. Men and women react to situations differently. It makes sense that Kara and Lena should have a different outcome of a dispute than Clark & Lex. There’s a path back to friendship for Kara & Lena. Hopefully, the writers will give the storyline time enough to play out like they did with Alex’s memory rather than rush through it like the Red Daughter part of last season.

It seems the consensus is that Lena will go darker than ever but be redeemed and Kara and Lena will be friends again.

That’s got me thinking about what I’d like to see with this “fight for Lena’s soul”. One thing I’d like to see is Kara getting frustrated and even mad because she can’t help her friend stop making bad choices. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want your help. Intellectually Kara knows that but it’s still hard watching someone you love self destruct. To compound things Lena finding out Kara’s secret the way she did, golf clap to the writers on that I’d be hard pressed to come up with more devastating scenario than the one we got, means Kara’s the catalyst and any overtures by Kara could drive Lena further down the rabbit hole. I’d like to see Kara be worried about having to actively stop Lena to save innocent people. Lena’s gonna have to be the one to make the first move in her own redemption and not being able to do something isn’t easy for Kara. I’d wouldn’t mind a scene with Kara destroying things in the DEO training room out of frustration/anger as a call back to season twos Luthors.

As part of Lena’s redemption I’d like to see her make a show of faith in Kara. Kara’s always believed in Lena but part of what’s happened is Lena’s lost faith in Kara. I think I’ve come up with a way for Lena to do that. When Supergirl found out Lena could make Kryptonite she wanted Lena to give the formula to Alex and never make it again. Lena could give her formula to Alex, or better yet give part of it to Alex and the other part to Brainy so they’d have to work together to use it, then Lena could have J’onn wipe the formula from her memory.

@Kelly,

The difference I see with Kara's secret and someone in a group not being told something is that Kara's secret was kept because it's a safety/security reason as part of her job. Yes, more people knew then should have, but really the only people outside of the DEO who she told were Winn and Nia. Winn she told before she understood the severity of who she was and about the possible repercussions of him knowing. James already knew and the DEO are all part of an organization that has the ability to maintain secrecy as one of their primary job requirements. Even they had to be mind-wiped after they became a liability tp keeping that secrecy. With Lena having close connections to a known enemy of both Supergirl and the DEO, it would be completely unprofessional for Kara to tell her who she was JUST because they're friends.

As for Nia and Lillian knowing, well I just chalk that up to inconsistent/poor writing. Lillian has known for three seasons yet nothing ever came of it, which is ridiculous as an oversight and Nia should never have been told either.

Yes, I can understand a bit on Lena's side that she's hurt because of her trust issues. But, Kara has her own history of issues yet is able to move past them in order to maintain relationships. And Lena, as someone who is supposed to have a high level of intelligence, is a corporate owner and a scientist with her own ethically questionable behavior, let's give her a little credit to be able to cool down, be willing to listen to Kara's side of it and think rationally about the whole thing.

Every relationship at every level has difficulties but if it's important to those in it they'll do what's necessary to fix those issues.

And if Lena's not willing to do that well, I guess she's not really someone I would want Kara to be friends with and I would say that Kara needs to cut her loses on that one.

I'm not disputing any of that. I know why Kara didn"t tell her. I'm looking at this from Lena's POV. I learned a long time ago that people's perception IS their truth. Doesn't matter if their perception is correct or not. What Lena sees is that every single person in Kara's life knew she was Sipergirl. It doesn't matter how they know, the simple fact is, they all knew....so her question is, why wasn't she told if she was like family as Kara said several times. She sat at a Thanksgiving Family dinner with people who ALL knew that Kara was Supergirl. When someone suffers from trust issues, as she does?......that is absolutely devastating. I have severe trust issues, extremely debilitating in relationships. I know exactly what she is feeling. It doesn't matter why others knew, her question will always be....was it because Kara didnt trust her in a way she finally was able to trust Kara, or as Kara says because she wanted her to be safe? For someone with devastating trust issues, it will always be the negative, no matter how much they try to believe otherwise.

The series has done a good job building the reasons why Lena has trust issues, and Kara knows these reasons as well, which we have seen has been one of the reasons why she hasn't told Lena. So I don't see this as a simple troupe by any means.

I hope so. I hope they can get past this, particularly since, Kara's 'betrayal' only exists in Lena's mind.
The problem isn't that Kara, Lena's best friend, hasn't told Lena her secret. What makes Lena feel betrayed is that she allowed Lex to convince her that Kara (along with everyone else in her friend group) was never her friend to begin with.
You would think she would know better than to trust Lex, but she can't seem to help being manipulated by him.

Lena has issues with trust. She doesn't give people second chances, which means that Kara would have had to pulled off the reveal perfectly. This is not an issue with anyone else in the know. Kara didn't really have to worry about how they would react when she told them (also for the most part she didn't actually have to tell them).
Lena allows herself to be conned by Lex because she thinks that because she knows he's trying to con her she can just outsmart him. Unfortunately Lex is doing the https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/KansasCityShuffle so she is tricked anyway.

Hopefully someone will talk some sense into Lena. Perhaps Alex might point out that she shrugged off Alex working for the DEO pretty easily, or Alex might mention that she had to have her memories erased for a good bit of last season, which might have given Kara even more reason to be hesitant to tell Lena. Or maybe James could point out that Kara believed in Lena even when it appeared that there was solid proof against her.
Also they still have that Truthseeker thing, right? Maybe they can use that.

I love Lena but she's just wrong this time.

I found myself agreeing with about 80-90% of what everyone else has written here on this subject so far. But there is something that has been only lightly touched on by some, and which maybe needs to be explored a bit more.

Kara never kept her secret from Lena to be hurtful about it, but - all of her perfectly understandable secrecy issues aside - the real root source of the problem here is Lena's intractable lack of trust of others.
She has had a very nasty habit of going on a rant from time to time about how much she hates it whenever someone close to her lies to her or keeps secrets from her, and how she can never trust anyone who does that to her; and I have lost track of how many times we've all seen her do that over the past two or three years.
It happen most recently on the plane when they were coming back from Kaznia. Kara saw a long-awaited opportunity to finally get her secret out in the open (something that she has wanted to do ever since the Kryptonite issue during the World-killers saga in Season Three) but, instead of listening, Lena started ranting about Eve's betrayal and, yet again, of how she can never trust anyone who has kept secrets from her, and Kara had to put off telling Lena, again. So rather than encouraging Kara to 'come clean' with Lena, this has been much more DIScouraging on Lena's part than anything else that she has done.
But Lena isn't completely at fault here; the problem most likely stems from her early years growing up in the Luthor family. Lillian perpetually lied and kept secrets from her, as Lex also did as he got older. And Lena later found out that even Lionel was keeping secrets from her too before he died. This may have started out as just a hang-up inherited from the Luthor family, but Lena has tenaciously clung to it as some kind of self-defence mechanism well into her adult life, to the point where it has escalated into an obsession with her, and I'm guessing that she probably doesn't even realize herself how negatively it affects her relationships with others close to her.
And let's be honest about something else - Lena has kept plenty secrets of her own from the others. Such as: Not telling them that she was working with Samantha to try to figure out how to stop Reign; lying about how the Kryptonite she used was Lex's, when it was actually hers; and then lying about how it was all gone, when she had figured out how to make more synthetic Kryptonite anytime she wanted to; keeping some of the Harun-El for herself (even though it was synthetic); and the experiments that she was doing with it to create super-humans. So, Lena feels that it's perfectly okay for her to lie and keep secrets from her friends, but it's not okay for them to keep secrets from her? There's a word for that, but I won't use it here.
And as for how she found out about Kara; Lex knew that he was dying and yet, in those last moments of his life, he didn't try to reconcile with Lena, but instead chose that revelation about Kara as his last act of vengeance on his sister. And he deliberately did it so as to cruelly inflict the greatest amount of psychological damage possible on his sister, using words that he knew would be the most hurtful possible to her ("they MOCKED you, they HUMILIATED you, etc.". He knew exactly how vulnerable she was at that moment, and how to push her buttons and what it would do to her, and he did it maliciously; and Lena fell for it.

All that having been said, I have never enjoyed the occasional suggestions over the past three years that Lena should descend into the same darkness that the rest of her family is infamous for just because she's a Luthor. Despite some errors in judgement along the way (and which we are all guilty of) she has strived to be a good person, and has generally succeeded. So she should stay 'good', and leave the evil stuff to the seemingly endless variety of villains and baddies that Supergirl routinely faces off against. I expect that it will be a very rough ride for Kara and Lena for a while in Season Five, but I'm a "the glass is half-full" type of person, so I'm hoping that Lena will eventually be honest enough to face up to her own inherent lack of trust of others, and that their friendship will prevail in the end.

I am certain that Kara and Lena will reconcile. Although it is likely (even inevitable) that the relationship will be affected in a substantive way, I think it may become even stronger. This will only happen after much drama, of course. But Melissa stated that season 5 would be a battle for Lena's soul, and I just cannot see TPTB allowing Supergirl to lose that fight. I expect that this struggle will be a major theme in the first half of the season leading up to the Crisis. That event will be an epiphany for Lena and reconciliation will follow.

I think you brought up something important to mention, Brier. We've talked about how some of us think it's a bit wrong that Kara is taking so much heat for "lying." But, trying to see it from a realistic perspective, I think the problem I would have had, if I was Lena, wasn't thinking Kara lied to me; but rather, that I was the only one Kara felt couldn't be trusted with the secret. And feeling they all agreed that I couldn't be trusted.

Lena has major trust issues, I totally get why she would be upset. The trust issues are compounded by the Super/Luthor family history. Lena’s going to think the only reason Kara didn’t tell her is because she’s a Luthor which isn’t the whole truth. Likely the Luthor name was part of the reason in the beginning then even after Lena proved to be the white sheep of the family it became harder for Kara as time went on. And it’s true that knowledge of a hero’s secret identity does put the person in danger. As far as the others it’s not their secret to tell. The only thing any of the others could’ve done is encourage Kara to tell but I just don’t see any of them starting that conversation with Kara.

Both Kara and Lena have overacted at times. Remember when many of us were on team Lena, at least initially, with Kara’s reaction to the Kryptonite. They react differently when pushed, Kara sees red and gets mad while Lena uses her boxes.

I think you brought up something important to mention, Brier. We've talked about how some of us think it's a bit wrong that Kara is taking so much heat for "lying." But, trying to see it from a realistic perspective, I think the problem I would have had, if I was Lena, wasn't thinking Kara lied to me; but rather, that I was the only one Kara felt couldn't be trusted with the secret. And feeling they all agreed that I couldn't be trusted.

I do think Kara and Lena will be friends again. Kara/Lena isn’t like Clark/Lex if only because Lena isn’t a psychopath like her brother. No matter how much she wants to hurt Kara I just can’t see Lena intentionally hurting innocent people to do it. Unintentionally hurting hurting innocent people is a possibility but not intentionally. I think Lena’s gonna get in too deep with Leviathan and Kara has to pull her out.

A better question than will they be friends again is what will that friendship look like. Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Trust has/will be broken on both sides.

I am looking forward to how it plays out.

Ok....I'm just excited to see how it plays out...I think it is going to be some great fireworks.