Melissa Benoist's latest story [trigger warning: domestic violence]

I just want to clarify my feelings on this important issue, because my original remarks have been cited in a few subsequent comments. My original post was too nuanced and may have given some the impression that I bought into his statement. I did not. I have zero sympathy for Blake Jenner, and found his statement self-serving; if he spends the rest of his life in No-wheres-ville it's fine with me. I tried to say that if he did undergo a sincere epiphany and took subsequent action to truly help people escape a cycle of violence, I would commend him for that. But so far he has shown no sign of using his platform for any good purpose, and I will be beyond astonished if he ever does. Melissa is a winner and Blake is a loser; that pretty well sums it up.

@superbill

When I read it, I thought it started off as an apology/acceptance of blame. But, buy the end it was a little more like sharing the blame and then passing off the blame. There are two sides to every story, but he could have blinded Melissa and needs some anger management if he hadn't sought it already... regardless of any codependency issues.

Let me break it down here bill...

First of all, I am glad that Blake has taken responsibility for his actions, and has undertaken an ongoing therapy program to find the causes and overcome them. He is apparently making progress, and good luck to him as he continues on that path.

A bit too little too late.

However, when I compare this statement with Melissa's video of last year and with her subsequent statements and activities, I see a number of significant differences. She chose to make her statement on video, and her obvious distress and emotion while relating those experiences was evident. I think his statement would have been more impactful had it also been on video; mere text does not have the same effect.

I agree as everything in this world is get it on visual rather than by words as actions (video in this case) speak louder than words.

Blake's statement seems more an attempt at redemption than anything else, a career saving move. In contrast, Melissa's purpose was to help others in violent relationships find the courage and resolve to escape. She spent significant time describing the challenges of that, but emphasized that it is possible, provided a link to sites for help, and pledged her support. Blake expressed his support as well, but briefly and in passing.

If it's for redemption, he comes up way short. On the other hand there are cases where men are the ones being abused, but statistics are a shot in the dark because of men trying to protect their masculinity or the way the corporate media handles cases.

Blake describes their relationship as toxic, with blame on both sides. This is likely true, and Melissa admitted in her video that during their relationship she became an ugly version of herself: lying, becoming cold, aloof, unreliable, unprofessional, and ultimately fighting back. She has also been forthright about her struggles with anxiety and depression. However his description of their relationship seems more directed toward garnering sympathy than anything else. She is accused of being controlling and manipulative, a description almost identical to her description of him. If true, she was likely responding in kind to his actions. But that description does not fit with any other description of her I have seen. He also claims he too was injured, and since she admitted to fighting back that is certainly possible. But I have trouble finding sympathy for someone whose face was scratched while he was choking someone. Sorry, but blaming the victim does not impress me.

If Blake Jenner is looking for any sympathy from me at least...KEEP LOOKING! Also, Melissa seemingly lied in her interviews when she said one of their dogs jumped on her causing her to fall near a plant causing damage to her eye. The story about her falling from her bicycle in NYC...I find that has a little more credence to it given the bike tattoo on her left foot.

If he follows up this statement with action to truly help other abusers find a way out of a cycle of violence, I will applaud him. But if it is merely an effort to regain fans and salvage his career, both thumbs down.

It's Hollywood...they will almost give abusers second chances at things for their career sans any kind of a guilty conscience or consequences.

Reeks of the entertainment business opening up again and he needs a job.

You are to kind superbill.

Well, as far as I'm concerned his statement falls flat like a thumping sound. He's the one who started to physically and mentally abuse the lovely Melissa which took it's toll. Any actions by Melissa in response is understandable and warranted. Attempting to put blame on both parties is BS. I hope this skunk gets the treatment he needs to stop beating woman. He's lucky he's not in jail.

Bob Dylan My Back Pages(30th anniversary show MSG you tube)

July 20,1969 "The Americans Are On The Moon"

Blake Jenner responds:

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/blake-jenner-responds-melissa-benoist-015357621.html

I have a few thoughts on this.

First of all, I am glad that Blake has taken responsibility for his actions, and has undertaken an ongoing therapy program to find the causes and overcome them. He is apparently making progress, and good luck to him as he continues on that path.

However, when I compare this statement with Melissa's video of last year and with her subsequent statements and activities, I see a number of significant differences. She chose to make her statement on video, and her obvious distress and emotion while relating those experiences was evident. I think his statement would have been more impactful had it also been on video; mere text does not have the same effect.

Blake's statement seems more an attempt at redemption than anything else, a career saving move. In contrast, Melissa's purpose was to help others in violent relationships find the courage and resolve to escape. She spent significant time describing the challenges of that, but emphasized that it is possible, provided a link to sites for help, and pledged her support. Blake expressed his support as well, but briefly and in passing.

Blake describes their relationship as toxic, with blame on both sides. This is likely true, and Melissa admitted in her video that during their relationship she became an ugly version of herself: lying, becoming cold, aloof, unreliable, unprofessional, and ultimately fighting back. She has also been forthright about her struggles with anxiety and depression. However his description of their relationship seems more directed toward garnering sympathy than anything else. She is accused of being controlling and manipulative, a description almost identical to her description of him. If true, she was likely responding in kind to his actions. But that description does not fit with any other description of her I have seen. He also claims he too was injured, and since she admitted to fighting back that is certainly possible. But I have trouble finding sympathy for someone whose face was scratched while he was choking someone. Sorry, but blaming the victim does not impress me.

If he follows up this statement with action to truly help other abusers find a way out of a cycle of violence, I will applaud him. But if it is merely an effort to regain fans and salvage his career, both thumbs down.

Blake Jenner responds:

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/blake-jenner-responds-melissa-benoist-015357621.html

Since it's related I thought I'd use this thread. On May 13th Melissa participated in Refinery29's Night of Solidarity. The pandemic has created additional problems for victims who might now find themselves quarantined with their abuser and further isolated from help.

As noted by others, this is not a topic normally found on the Forum page, but the importance of the subject is absolutely worth making an exception for.
I have never been very interested in digging into the private lives of celebrities, as I have always thought that they should never have to sacrifice the same right to personal privacy that us 'commoners' generally have. But I think that most people who have even loosely followed Melissa's career since she joined the 'Supergirl' show are aware that she had some kind of traumatic issues earlier in her life - although the exact details were vague - and also that her current boyfriend/now-husband Chris has helped her to deal with that.
After listening to her message, it brought back some old memories. I've had two girlfriends, on different occasions many years ago, who were survivors of different types of domestic abuse, and although neither of them described overt physical violence to me as part of their experiences, there were nevertheless some things which Melissa talked about which brought back some difficult memories of those past friends of mine. Melissa also made note of the fact that leaving an abusive partner is not a single act, but rather the start of a very long process, and this echoed my friend's experiences too.
Some people occasionally make references to the similarity between Melissa and her Supergirl character, but I'm not inclined to think of her message in that way, because Supergirl's greatest super-power isn't her powers at all, but the fact that she has Kara Danver's heart.
Melissa should to be admired on her own merits for the courage that it took for her to take the time to put this message down on paper (easier than trying to remember all of it in her head), and then posting it for everyone to see and hear.
In doing so, she is an example to the many other people who find themselves in a cycle of domestic abuse, of any kind, and hopefully an inspiration to others that saving themselves from such situations isn't easy, but that it can be done. A true hero is someone who overcomes their personal fears and self-doubts and rises above them, and this is clearly what she has done.
So, Melissa, if you visit this site from time to time, and the Forum, and if you are paying attention to these posts, then thank you for speaking out. We will never know how many women may be inspired by your example to take action in their own lives and save themselves from the monster in their life.
This is indeed what real-life heroes do.

Melissa has given us permission to talk about aspects of this story, namely to realise that this is happening frequently in society and is invisible. that IPV is overlooked or ignored. that what seems perfect on the outside often is on the inside. Glad the she is healing, that she has acknowledged, and admitted and shared what has happened to her and how it continues to affect her. We can honour that by continuing to talk about, to address it, and to not argue pettily about what and what isn't abuse by our own narrow viewpoints.

It must have taken great courage to come out with this story. I am proud of Melissa.

And, so sorry that she had to go through this. Hope she gets lots of love, friendship and healing.

And, revealing her story helps others in the situation as she clearly hopes.

On behalf of the Supergirl.tv community, I think it is fair to say #WeAllStandWithMelissa.

Also, we all stand with those who suffer in silence and do not yet have the courage or means to break free (either due to circumstances or other factors).

Thank you, Melissa, for having the courage to do what you did and to help others. You certainly live up to the show's moniker and intent.

@RobertAnthony

Hey Robert. Your story is heartbreaking, man. It sucks and I wish you all the best.

I have autism too. A lot of times I think my life sucks, and I'm going through depression right now having to do with a friend and a failed romance. But having read your tale, it's nothing compared to you.

I'm only 21, my family has been loving and supportive, and I've begun to get good grades at university which gives me hope I can have a future.

I'm sad that your life has seemingly gone downhill. I want to offer you words of encouragement however I can, but I know I'm impeded by my lack of life experience compared to you. All I can say is as a person similarly with autism, I feel like people like us have hope. Many bad things happened in my life, but good things also. I have failed many many times, but succeeded also. I hope your life experiences a turn for good.

When I was a kid in High School I used to laugh off the idea of mental health. I was a fool. Mental health is vital to everybody, and suffering from anxiety and depression is no joke. I see a psychologist at times and it helps greatly, coupled with regular exercise. I'm glad to hear you are seeing one too. I hope it helps and you get better.

And to Robert Anthony, thank you for sharing your story, proving that violence can affect more than just the immediate victim. You state: "I may never ever be in a relationship or married because of what my father did." But you have come a long way, and many years lie ahead, so keep working at it and I hope that you will find all that you seek in your life. Happy Thanksgiving!

Bill, may the good lord bless you as he has blessed me despite everything.

I was about to start a thread about Melissa's story because it's important to talk about these issues whether you are a man or a woman. I thought I couldn't admire Melissa more! She's very courageous. Coming out to the world like that about a very painful time in her life must have been so difficult but that shows how selfless she is. She wants to help people going through abuse. Melissa, you are my hero and thank you for being you!

Wow! What an awful, yet inspiring story. Melissa truly is an extraordinary person in so many ways. A real life Supergirl, and one has to wonder if playing that role may have in some small way helped her find the courage and confidence to break free.

I think most of us in this Forum can guess who she is talking about. We will see if he has the character to admit he is at fault, seek the help he needs and make the life changes necessary. My opinion of him has never been very high and now is beneath contempt, so frankly I doubt he has it in him. But one can always hope.

And to Robert Anthony, thank you for sharing your story, proving that violence can affect more than just the immediate victim. You state: "I may never ever be in a relationship or married because of what my father did." But you have come a long way, and many years lie ahead, so keep working at it and I hope that you will find all that you seek in your life. Happy Thanksgiving!

Melissa didn't name her abuser, but it's not hard to figure out who she's talking about if you know her personal history.

Melissa,
I hope whoever reads your fan mail for you shows this to you.
It broke my heart to watch your video and to think of you being so hurt, as my heart breaks for all victims of violence. You are so courageous to share your story, and I hope it helps many others.
If there are ever any dark days in your life, I hope that you can draw strength and comfort knowing how you have touched the hearts and inspired the lives of countless people with your incredible talent, masterful performance, and now courageous public statement.
On this Thanksgiving Day, I want to say, as Kara once consoled Alex: I wish for you "all the things".
For a thousand years, and a thousand more.

Thank you for creating this thread. I watched her video, earlier, but didn't know if this was the place to talk about it, as we try to stay out of Melissa's personal life. That being said, she put it out there because she wants people to know, in hopes that it may help others who have gone through or are going through similar situations.

None of us can presume to truly know Melissa. However, based on what we DO know...what she's put out in public, second hand accounts, interviews, her and Chris being open about mental health issues...and now this. I have the upmost respect for this woman. 4 years after her show premiered, and she continues to wow me, on and off screen.

Not sure if "triggered" is the right word, but this hiits close to home. I have heard similar stories from relatives and friends.

Then, as now, I have a tremendous respect for the strength to pull one's self out of that situation and bravery to be so open about it.

I'm fast running out of superlatives to describe Melissa.