Melissa Benoist's latest story [trigger warning: domestic violence]

Yes, I saw the YouTube video clip of this topic. It deserves a mandatory viewing for and by everyone.

Wow and wow again were my two initial reactions. She has courage and I sincerely hope she is able to find peace and solace after having to endure what she did in a prior relationship.

Thank you for putting this topic here. It is worth reading and seeing.

I may be too old but what is a “Trigger Warning” and is it appropriate for this delicate topic?

I may be too old but what is a “Trigger Warning” and is it appropriate for this delicate topic?

*****

@Admin,

Yes, it is appropriate in this context.

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Trigger%20warning

In a nutshell, it's something that could cause people great emotional discomfort or PTSD-like reactions due to similar experiences. There are multiple definitions of the term given in the UD, but the PTSD one is most commonly accepted and, in this case, applicable.

Entertainment Weekly has done a story on this.

https://ew.com/tv/2019/11/27/melissa-benoist-reveals-survivor-domestic-violence/


To say I am shocked and saddened about this the day before Thanksgiving here in the US...is putting it mildly. Her story is like that of my mom's dealing with domestic violence with her now ex-husband, my father. I guess we are both children of divorce.

There was abuse from my father and the marriage crumbled. My mom was 34, dad was about 25 or so when they wed in 1972. Two years later I was born, about a month premature. Little did my parents know I would deal with autism and anxiety. In 1978, they divorced, but I held my dad up high somewhat because that's what boys do. The more I heard about how my dad treated my mom, the more I hated him. In 1982 he remarried and had two daughters in 1987, my stepsisters whom I have not seen in 30 years almost. Then sometime in the 90's, my stepbrother was born. I know nothing about him and maybe it's better that way. Then again, my mom is 81...and I fear what will happen to me if she dies even though we have made preparations for it.

OT--I was also bullied in school and all throughout it, having to see psychiatrists and doctors to try and deal with things. I have told the story before but in 1995, I was diagnosed with what is now called Autism Spectrum Disorder (once called Asperger's Syndrome). Having that knowledge made me feel like my life has started over. I may be 45 (46 come 2/17/2020), but it will be 25 years since the diagnosis that changed my life. I am on medication and have sessions with a psychologist.

This was after in 2018 I was in the hospital for posting out of anger and frustration I wanted to harm people or myself on Facebook. I have deleted my account since then. That was the lowest point in my life. But I think stress was building by having to deal with a cold, dark house that was flooding with water from a Noreaster in early March. A few weeks later, I did not do something for my mother and she yelled at me...and that set off my "emotional big one earthquake" that later had me in the hospital for a few hours. I made a bad thing worse. My father does not know about these events or how I have graduated from high school and college. Frankly I don't care.

I may never ever be in a relationship or married because of what my father did. You know that phrase or Arrow episode title "Sins of the father?"

I was warned the post may trigger people. I hope what I have written is not "being triggered."

Please try to enjoy Thanksgiving here in the states tomorrow.

Wow!! She’s a superhero on and off camera. To think she was dealing with all this during the lengthy audition process for the show then the intense pressure during season one for the show to be a success. She’s talked about the eye injury and wearing an eyepatch during a fitting for the skirted suit in 2015 so we know some of the timeline. It can happen to anyone.

Not sure if "triggered" is the right word, but this hiits close to home. I have heard similar stories from relatives and friends.

Then, as now, I have a tremendous respect for the strength to pull one's self out of that situation and bravery to be so open about it.

I'm fast running out of superlatives to describe Melissa.

Thank you for creating this thread. I watched her video, earlier, but didn't know if this was the place to talk about it, as we try to stay out of Melissa's personal life. That being said, she put it out there because she wants people to know, in hopes that it may help others who have gone through or are going through similar situations.

None of us can presume to truly know Melissa. However, based on what we DO know...what she's put out in public, second hand accounts, interviews, her and Chris being open about mental health issues...and now this. I have the upmost respect for this woman. 4 years after her show premiered, and she continues to wow me, on and off screen.

Melissa,
I hope whoever reads your fan mail for you shows this to you.
It broke my heart to watch your video and to think of you being so hurt, as my heart breaks for all victims of violence. You are so courageous to share your story, and I hope it helps many others.
If there are ever any dark days in your life, I hope that you can draw strength and comfort knowing how you have touched the hearts and inspired the lives of countless people with your incredible talent, masterful performance, and now courageous public statement.
On this Thanksgiving Day, I want to say, as Kara once consoled Alex: I wish for you "all the things".
For a thousand years, and a thousand more.

Melissa didn't name her abuser, but it's not hard to figure out who she's talking about if you know her personal history.

Wow! What an awful, yet inspiring story. Melissa truly is an extraordinary person in so many ways. A real life Supergirl, and one has to wonder if playing that role may have in some small way helped her find the courage and confidence to break free.

I think most of us in this Forum can guess who she is talking about. We will see if he has the character to admit he is at fault, seek the help he needs and make the life changes necessary. My opinion of him has never been very high and now is beneath contempt, so frankly I doubt he has it in him. But one can always hope.

And to Robert Anthony, thank you for sharing your story, proving that violence can affect more than just the immediate victim. You state: "I may never ever be in a relationship or married because of what my father did." But you have come a long way, and many years lie ahead, so keep working at it and I hope that you will find all that you seek in your life. Happy Thanksgiving!

I was about to start a thread about Melissa's story because it's important to talk about these issues whether you are a man or a woman. I thought I couldn't admire Melissa more! She's very courageous. Coming out to the world like that about a very painful time in her life must have been so difficult but that shows how selfless she is. She wants to help people going through abuse. Melissa, you are my hero and thank you for being you!

And to Robert Anthony, thank you for sharing your story, proving that violence can affect more than just the immediate victim. You state: "I may never ever be in a relationship or married because of what my father did." But you have come a long way, and many years lie ahead, so keep working at it and I hope that you will find all that you seek in your life. Happy Thanksgiving!

Bill, may the good lord bless you as he has blessed me despite everything.

@RobertAnthony

Hey Robert. Your story is heartbreaking, man. It sucks and I wish you all the best.

I have autism too. A lot of times I think my life sucks, and I'm going through depression right now having to do with a friend and a failed romance. But having read your tale, it's nothing compared to you.

I'm only 21, my family has been loving and supportive, and I've begun to get good grades at university which gives me hope I can have a future.

I'm sad that your life has seemingly gone downhill. I want to offer you words of encouragement however I can, but I know I'm impeded by my lack of life experience compared to you. All I can say is as a person similarly with autism, I feel like people like us have hope. Many bad things happened in my life, but good things also. I have failed many many times, but succeeded also. I hope your life experiences a turn for good.

When I was a kid in High School I used to laugh off the idea of mental health. I was a fool. Mental health is vital to everybody, and suffering from anxiety and depression is no joke. I see a psychologist at times and it helps greatly, coupled with regular exercise. I'm glad to hear you are seeing one too. I hope it helps and you get better.

On behalf of the Supergirl.tv community, I think it is fair to say #WeAllStandWithMelissa.

Also, we all stand with those who suffer in silence and do not yet have the courage or means to break free (either due to circumstances or other factors).

Thank you, Melissa, for having the courage to do what you did and to help others. You certainly live up to the show's moniker and intent.

It must have taken great courage to come out with this story. I am proud of Melissa.

And, so sorry that she had to go through this. Hope she gets lots of love, friendship and healing.

And, revealing her story helps others in the situation as she clearly hopes.

Melissa has given us permission to talk about aspects of this story, namely to realise that this is happening frequently in society and is invisible. that IPV is overlooked or ignored. that what seems perfect on the outside often is on the inside. Glad the she is healing, that she has acknowledged, and admitted and shared what has happened to her and how it continues to affect her. We can honour that by continuing to talk about, to address it, and to not argue pettily about what and what isn't abuse by our own narrow viewpoints.

As noted by others, this is not a topic normally found on the Forum page, but the importance of the subject is absolutely worth making an exception for.
I have never been very interested in digging into the private lives of celebrities, as I have always thought that they should never have to sacrifice the same right to personal privacy that us 'commoners' generally have. But I think that most people who have even loosely followed Melissa's career since she joined the 'Supergirl' show are aware that she had some kind of traumatic issues earlier in her life - although the exact details were vague - and also that her current boyfriend/now-husband Chris has helped her to deal with that.
After listening to her message, it brought back some old memories. I've had two girlfriends, on different occasions many years ago, who were survivors of different types of domestic abuse, and although neither of them described overt physical violence to me as part of their experiences, there were nevertheless some things which Melissa talked about which brought back some difficult memories of those past friends of mine. Melissa also made note of the fact that leaving an abusive partner is not a single act, but rather the start of a very long process, and this echoed my friend's experiences too.
Some people occasionally make references to the similarity between Melissa and her Supergirl character, but I'm not inclined to think of her message in that way, because Supergirl's greatest super-power isn't her powers at all, but the fact that she has Kara Danver's heart.
Melissa should to be admired on her own merits for the courage that it took for her to take the time to put this message down on paper (easier than trying to remember all of it in her head), and then posting it for everyone to see and hear.
In doing so, she is an example to the many other people who find themselves in a cycle of domestic abuse, of any kind, and hopefully an inspiration to others that saving themselves from such situations isn't easy, but that it can be done. A true hero is someone who overcomes their personal fears and self-doubts and rises above them, and this is clearly what she has done.
So, Melissa, if you visit this site from time to time, and the Forum, and if you are paying attention to these posts, then thank you for speaking out. We will never know how many women may be inspired by your example to take action in their own lives and save themselves from the monster in their life.
This is indeed what real-life heroes do.

Since it's related I thought I'd use this thread. On May 13th Melissa participated in Refinery29's Night of Solidarity. The pandemic has created additional problems for victims who might now find themselves quarantined with their abuser and further isolated from help.

Blake Jenner responds:

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/blake-jenner-responds-melissa-benoist-015357621.html

Blake Jenner responds:

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/blake-jenner-responds-melissa-benoist-015357621.html

I have a few thoughts on this.

First of all, I am glad that Blake has taken responsibility for his actions, and has undertaken an ongoing therapy program to find the causes and overcome them. He is apparently making progress, and good luck to him as he continues on that path.

However, when I compare this statement with Melissa's video of last year and with her subsequent statements and activities, I see a number of significant differences. She chose to make her statement on video, and her obvious distress and emotion while relating those experiences was evident. I think his statement would have been more impactful had it also been on video; mere text does not have the same effect.

Blake's statement seems more an attempt at redemption than anything else, a career saving move. In contrast, Melissa's purpose was to help others in violent relationships find the courage and resolve to escape. She spent significant time describing the challenges of that, but emphasized that it is possible, provided a link to sites for help, and pledged her support. Blake expressed his support as well, but briefly and in passing.

Blake describes their relationship as toxic, with blame on both sides. This is likely true, and Melissa admitted in her video that during their relationship she became an ugly version of herself: lying, becoming cold, aloof, unreliable, unprofessional, and ultimately fighting back. She has also been forthright about her struggles with anxiety and depression. However his description of their relationship seems more directed toward garnering sympathy than anything else. She is accused of being controlling and manipulative, a description almost identical to her description of him. If true, she was likely responding in kind to his actions. But that description does not fit with any other description of her I have seen. He also claims he too was injured, and since she admitted to fighting back that is certainly possible. But I have trouble finding sympathy for someone whose face was scratched while he was choking someone. Sorry, but blaming the victim does not impress me.

If he follows up this statement with action to truly help other abusers find a way out of a cycle of violence, I will applaud him. But if it is merely an effort to regain fans and salvage his career, both thumbs down.